Smile and Wave
by Zarla
Summary: So how DOES Vrumugun feel about Zangulus' wedding? He's so repressed he doesn't even know. But there's nothing like a Mazoku to pull you apart...


Smile and Wave  
(By "Where da HECK did this come from?" Zarla)  
(Warning: I'm not responsible fer any mental damage caused by readin this fic.)

  
  
"I'm so glad you could make it!"

Breathe. Smile.

"Yes, I've heard so much about you! You two used to travel a lot, didn't you?"

Breathe. Calm. Breathe.

"Yes, we used to travel together frequently. In fact, we were last occupied-"

"Chasing Lina and Gourry! God, that seems ages ago, doesn't it?"

Yes.

Breathe.

"It was, indeed, a while ago."

"And to think, now they're here! I never would have thought back then that Gourry would be there at my wedding!"

"Yes, neither would I."

I did not think you would get married.

Breathe.

"It's funny though, isn't it? My darling Zangulus and I met such a short time ago and already we're married! Love at first sight, isn't it?"

"It sure is."

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Keep calm. Breathe.

"I am happy for you both."

"I'm just glad you could make it at all! You're so hard to get ahold of lately!"

"There is the matter of dealing with the results of Eris' clones...although they have all been removed in one way or another, they left a broad swath of bad feelings and likewise bad impressions..."

"My, Zangulus wasn't kidding when he said you were really..." Pause to search for a word. "Intellectual."

Look to one side. Feign modesty. Breathe. "He flatters me. I just think before I speak."

"Better then some of us can do, eh?" A playful nudge. "At least you're finally smiling again! It's great to see after all those clones."

Breathe. Smile. Keep calm. "Yes...it is good to feel..." No, don't say that. Think of something else. "To feel again." Yes, that doesn't have any awkward subtext. Keep it simple. Keep it under control. Unclench your hand.

"Well, I'm glad you could make it, Vrumugun. Feel free to drop by anytime you want on the little lady and I. You're always welcome!"

"Yeah, don't be such a stranger."

Think. Be careful. Think. "Thank you for your hospitality." 

Yes, that would work. 

"If I ever find the need, I will be sure to come visit you again."

That would work.

Keep it calm, keep it calm. Keep yourself calm, slow down your breathing. In and out, keep them apart, in, out. Keep it calm.

Let go of the edge of your clothes. Smile again. Make it look natural. Keep it calm. Keep breathing.

Keep breathing and keep it calm.

Wait until you are alone.

~~~

The wedding reception, as a whole, had gone very well. Many people he used to know were there, giving thanks and presents which he had forgotten to bring. He saw people he had sworn to kill and people who had sworn to kill him. Such things were forgotten at the time, however, to enjoy the moment. To enjoy the ceremony.

He had been allowed to wander around the castle freely, considering how close he and Zangulus had been and how often he had explained that his actions were not his own when he had a large ruby in the center of his forehead. He had naturally gravitated upwards, finding more empty and forgotten stairways, making his way through dusty and neglected rooms, until he finally found his way upwards towards the belltower, perhaps one of the highest points of the castle.

The sun had set only scarce moments before, so while there was no blazing orb in the sky or near the horizon; the sky was still tainted with dark reds and oranges. Soon it would descend into night, and it would become dark.

He walked over to the edge, climbing easily over the parapet of stone until only a few inches separated him from the edge and a quick trip to the ground. He actually stood there for a moment, looking downwards, feeling the wind tug at him, wondering how it would feel to fall.

He knew himself well enough not to truly consider the possibility and sank downwards, eventually letting his legs hang over the edge. He stared at the dark robes he had worn to the wedding.

You were usually supposed to wear white. But no one had commented on it, if they had even noticed.

He had brought his ancient cloak with him, with the great voluminous hood, and he had put it on while he was wandering about the castle. Being able to hide in its deep folds was comforting and made him feel better. It smelled of the dust of roads and adventures...he had had it as long as he could remember.

He stared down past the stone, noticing the bright lights beneath him as the reception continued onwards. He could vaguely see small figures moving about and soft strains of music.

"You are avoiding what is bothering you..." 

Vrumugun wasn't even aware that he was speaking out loud, but he had become so accustomed to doing so that he didn't even register it as peculiar. He had begun talking to himself shortly after the entire debacle with Eris. He had never been very talkative or emotional beforehand, but after seeing what he had seen and going through what he had gone through, he found his emotions buried deeper then he had ever imagined. It was difficult for him...he had to consciously will himself to smile, to focus on feeling or displaying emotions. 

They had been buried within him, because when he had first seen the perfect replica of himself move, the glint of red at its forehead...he had felt pain. That meant that his body still could recieve, could feel pain, and he responded naturally, unconsciously, by blocking as much as humanly possible.

He hated pain, as almost all humans did, and he did not want to feel it; that must be why he did this. That was his best explanation. But in his quest to avoid pain, it had also become difficult to understand how he felt about _any_thing or what to do in certain situations. It had crippled him. The only way he could even begin to dig through the dozens of walls he had erected was to speak to himself and work through it slowly.

"It is like I am..." He paused, thinking through the rest of his sentence and automatically revising it. "It is like I have to speak to someone else...to work through all these walls and make myself...to find out how I truly feel about anything. And the only one I can speak to is myself...it is difficult and peculiar...but I guess it is beyond my power to change."

His voice was soft but not emotionless. He could not tell what tone had crept into his voice while he was speaking as his mind no longer even consciously tried to register his emotions. He had begun blocking things, many things, and he had done it for so long that he didn't even know exactly what it was he was protecting himself from.

Vrumugun brushed some strands of hair away from his eyes as he stared down at the lights flickering below him, his entire face impassive. He watched and felt only a great void where he knew some emotion had to be.

He looked, watching the reds gradually sink into purple.

"So why are you here?" He asked himself for a moment, his hand slowly falling back into his lap. "Why did I come to this?"

He paused and a faint smile crossed his lips, although he had to think to do so. "Because Zangulus asked me to come...why should I have refused?"

Vrumugun paused and then sighed softly, changing his position on the wall. He pulled his legs up and turned slightly, so his back rested against a nearby column and his knees were slightly drawn up to his chest.

"He is my friend, and he is getting married...he _is_ married."

Something within him surged for a moment, and he pressed a hand over his mouth, not sure if the involuntary intake of air was a sign of an incoming cough or something worse. It was momentary and quick, but somewhat confusing. Perhaps something he had eaten before did not agree with him...

His fingertips were tingling, and he wrapped his cloak tighter around himself, blaming it on the rapidly cooling air.

"To Martina...Martina..." The name was unfamiliar and strange to him. "Whom he met...so recently..."

He leaned his head back and then angled it slightly to where the sun had set. "Would anyone against this marriage please speak now or forever hold your peace..."

He paused for a moment, closing his eyes. The air must have gotten chill, as he was shaking slightly. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath and concentrating. Within moments his quaking had ceased, and he opened his eyes again, his face and body under his complete control. His voice continued to keep the soft tone it had before, not a whisper, but intended only for his ears.

"I do not believe...no..." He paused for a moment, rethinking his words. "That is presumptious of me...I do not know her, and therefore to pass judgement would be unfair..."

Stars were beginning to come into view.

"I believe..." He thought about his words before speaking them, almost as if he believed anyone other then himself was listening. "I believe these kind of things require more time...more thought...you are a bit...impulsive...too quick...although you always were."

He let his thin fingers grip the inside of his cloak to keep it wrapped tight around him, thinking of the things that he had seen and done while wearing it. No doubt Zangulus felt the same about that hat he always wore...the way an article of clothing has so many memories attached to it...

"I simply believe you should have waited...perhaps thought it out a bit more...considered what this means..." He shook his head for a moment, strands of hair again finding themselves in front of his thin eyes. He brushed them out of the way for a split-second before returning his hand to its previous occupation before his cloak could shift away from him. "No...again, I am presumptious..."

He stared down at the grey and black folds in front of him, noticing out of the corner of his eye the hanging cloth of the hood. He turned his head again towards the fading light, more stars twinkling in the sky. Vrumugun looked for the moon before he finally located it, hanging in the sky with its soft, yellow light. A crescent...

"I am glad..." He paused at his choice of words, smiling wryly as the thought came to him. "I am glad that I did not speak during the wedding...it would only have made things...no...it would have been...useless." Vrumugun turned back to his cloak. "Useless and foolish all at once. As long as this is what you choose, then it is truly none of my business..."

He sighed softly, although he did not know why. "I am only...concerned that you may not be making the right decision."

He waited, letting the words hang in the air before he shook his head again, this time more vigorously. He let his legs slid off the wall back into the main area, standing and moving underneath the great bell. The cloak's edges slid around his body, again obscuring him almost entirely from view.

"It is not my place to advise him in such a way. No. This is not my decision, it is his. It is his life, and I do not advise him on what choices to make..."

He stared upwards at the metallic innards of the bell. "But...I believe your decision is wrong..."

His voice echoed, slightly distorted by the curved metal above him and he sighed, staring downwards towards the grey stone beneath him. He turned his eyes towards the sky just in time to watch the last shreds of the sun's light disappear. Now it was truly night...

"Vrumugun-san, why aren't you with the others?" A soft, malicious voice came from behind him and he turned, magic automatically gathering within his hands in a counter-offensive. It dissipated as he realized who it was who had spoken, his face again returning to its familiar emotionless mask.

Xellos leaned forward, his staff held behind his back by both hands. Despite the wedding that had recently taken place, he was still dressed the same as he always had been, the same cloak and cream ensemble. The eternal smiling face was on him as well, the one that made you feel extremely uneasy.

"I wanted to think." Vrumugun turned away from the Mazoku, heading back towards the ledge he had been sitting at before. "Nothing more."

He could not hear Xellos' footsteps, but he knew he was following him, floating behind him just out of reach. "The others are wondering where you ran off to, you know."

"I find that hard to believe." The statement was hanging in the air before Vrumugun was even aware he said it. Somewhat surprised and angry at himself for saying something even remotely revealing about his feelings, he pulled himself back onto the ledge, letting his legs hang over the edge. Xellos let himself touch the floor again, leaning forward on his elbows on the available space on the ledge.

"Now why would you say that, Vrumugun-san?" The mocking and cold tone in Xellos' voice told Vrumugun that he already knew this information could be used against him, and without even intending to do so, Vrumugun had given him a tool to use against his walls.

Not that he was going to get through. But now he had a start. Vrumugun kept his eyes focused skywards, watching stars flicker in and out of view.

"It is obvious that the celebration continues without me. Therefore, it is not important that I be present."

"Ah." Xellos held out a hand, studying it as if he was searching for a broken nail, although he was wearing gloves. "I see. What if Zangulus wanted to know where you were?"

A slight reaction went through Vrumugun's body which was quickly dampened and forgotten. "He has Martina, and therefore I am of no use to him."

"Vrumugun-san..." Xellos turned towards him with a particularly malicious smile. "I _know_ how to use people. I doubt that's why you're friends with our dear Zangulus. However, I don't think that's exactly what's bothering you."

"I find it peculiar that you are interested in this at all." Vrumugun crossed his arms. "Why have you come up here?"

"You mean why was I looking for you?" Xellos' smiling eyes didn't reveal anything. "I wasn't. I happened across you by accident, actually."

"What were you looking for?" Despite his best efforts, Vrumugun again felt a slight twinge at his words. As usual, he was not being sought out or looked for...it didn't surprise him, but somewhere very deep it still affected him, no matter who it was that was searching.

"That is a secret." Xellos smirked and turned to look at Vrumugun directly. "You should know me better than that, I would think."

Vrumugun shook his head, not amused. "Why are you talking to me?"

"Again, you should know better." Xellos straightened and then leapt forward and upwards, landing gracefully and settling in a sitting position next to Vrumugun, still smiling. "To torment you of course. You don't make it difficult."

Vrumugun stared at him, trying to think of a suitable response, but nothing came to mind. Instead he turned his attention back towards the stars, his arms still crossed. Xellos mimicked his position.

"You don't like Zangulus marrying her, do you?" The confident tone in his voice made sure that it was not a question. Vrumugun did not respond, only continuing to stare out, his face unchanging.

Xellos smirked, somehow knowing that he was having some effect on the silent man, then turned his own eyes towards the stars. "You make it so obvious. Sometimes silence can say more then anything, ne? You think Zangulus is making..." Xellos paused, then his voice became more serious and monotone. "The wrong decision."

Vrumugun turned towards him in slight surprise at the imitation of his voice. Xellos smiled and turned, leaning his back against a nearby wall. "Am I right?"

Vrumugun still refused to respond, angling his body away from the Mazoku and keeping his arms tightly crossed. Somehow his behavior only made Xellos smile more widely.

"Of course I am. You amaze me sometimes in how you say everything when you say nothing."

Disliking the characterization, Vrumugun finally decided to speak. "You are a Mazoku-"

"And that makes all the difference, doesn't it?" The mocking sarcasm was obvious. "You're a strange one, you know that?"

Vrumugun felt something touch his shoulder and found it to be one solitary finger of Xellos'. He recoiled from the touch, Xellos smirking at his response. "I can see you dying inside."

At such a serious and telling comment, Vrumugun could not help but stare at the Mazoku Priest, who continued to smile at him. He leaned back once again, putting his arms behind his head.

"Not that I would like to fix that of course. I just think it's interesting. You're very strange."

"So you have said."

"Hmm, so I did." Xellos stared quietly out into the night, looking for all the world like he was discussing a recipe rather then Vrumugun's mental well-being. "Do you want to know why you think Zangulus getting married is wrong?"

Vrumugun was silent, narrowing his eyes for a moment and glancing at him sidelong. "I should already know why."

Xellos raised a finger, pleased the the silent mage was playing along. "Then why were you talking to yourself? You are correct though, you _do_ know why. You just don't want to admit it."

"And why would I do that?" Vrumugun was drawing his knees upwards, unconsciously closing his body language further and further in response to Xellos' probing questions.

Xellos tilted his head slightly. "Do you really have to ask?"

Vrumugun didn't respond. Xellos eventually continued speaking, again leaning back and staring off into the distance. "You think Martina is wrong for him."

Vrumugun shook his head slowly. "No."

"Yes." The response was quick and light. Vrumugun turned towards him, trying to muster up his most threatening and serious expression.

"No."

"But yes." This only made Xellos smile wider. Vrumugun buried his head in his arms, his voice falling to a whisper.

"No."

Xellos leaned forward, whispering in response. "Then no."

Vrumugun raised his head, staring at him in utter confusion. Xellos smiled again, backing away, raising one finger. "You don't think Zangulus is really in love."

He was still trying to recover from the previous shock of Xellos' strange statement, so it took some time for Vrumugun to move. He did not respond to him, only burying his face back in his arms, wishing that Xellos would go away. He was the one who got through these emotional walls, not some Mazoku...even worse, he knew that Xellos was enjoying every unpleasant and confusing emotion that Vrumugun was feeling against his will. Rapidly his body was trying to hide his emotions, but now it was getting difficult.

"We both know I'm right." The smug tone in Xellos' voice. "You think it was too fast and you think it won't end well, am I right?"

Vrumugun kept his face hidden, his arms moving over his head, sliding over his hood and hiding him further from view. He kept his forehead pressed into his knees. He could not think of any way to respond.

"I'm right again!" Xellos' tone was celebratory. "You think Zangulus-san should get involved with someone he knows really well, right?"

Vrumugun felt sick.

Xellos leaned close to him again, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, still smiling. "Someone he's been with before and won't leave him, right? Someone dedicated...loyal..."

"Stop..." Vrumugun's voice was almost lost within the folds of fabric he was hiding in. A soft laugh came from Xellos for only a few moments.

"Someone who really _loves_ him, despite everything he does. Someone like..."

Vrumugun pressed his arms tighter against his head, trying to block out the Mazoku's voice, his body struggling physically and emotionally to regain control over itself. He felt sick from the effort he was making to keep himself under control.

He could feel strands from Xellos' hair brushing against him, hear it sliding across the fabric of his cloak. "Someone like...I don't know..."

Vrumugun was shaking, his teeth clenched. The pure malicious tone and intent was so plain that Vrumugun could almost feel it.

"Like Gourry?"

Vrumugun uncurled in one quick motion, causing Xellos to recoil quickly. The words tore from his being quickly, filled with anger and hurt. "NO! _Not_ him!"

There was a pause where Xellos sat back, a pleased and content smile on his face as Vrumugun breathed, struggling to get his body back under control, the sudden rush of energy and emotion having startled him. Thinking about what he said, Vrumugun turned completely away from the smug priest, curling into a ball and burying his face into his arms, pressing his head into the wall. His body was still shaking and he could feel heat building in his face.

Why did he say that? Why did he react like that? Why had his control slipped for that one moment? Why, why, why...

His inner voice was screaming at him to stop, to calm down and think and be rational, but he wasn't listening.

Xellos stood up on the ledge slowly, leaning forward until he was directly above Vrumugun, his hair stopping just short of brushing the top of the quaking mage's hood.

"Breathe, Vrumugun-san."

Vrumugun pulled himself out of his ball for a moment, staring upwards at Xellos in disbelief. The priest smiled at him again. "You make it so obvious when you say nothing."

"Stop it..." Vrumugun returned his head to its previous position, his breathing beginning to slow. "Leave me alone..."

"Oh, come now." Xellos reached down and patted Vrumugun's head softly. "Just when we're making so much progress."

Vrumugun reacted violently to Xellos touching him, uncurling and lashing out to where he thought the Mazoku's legs would be. Instead he found only air and slight mocking laughter coming from above him. Glancing upwards, he saw Xellos hovering above him, an even bigger smile then before growing on his face.

"You're dying inside, you know."

"Leave me alone." Vrumugun remained in his uncurled position, his hands clenched. Gradually the anger receded from his face, returning it to its previous emotionless facade. "I can think for myself."

"Vrumugun-san, you've already made it obvious that you can't." Xellos shook a finger at him as he settled back down into a sitting position. "You think Zangulus deserves better."

Vrumugun sighed deeply and turned away from him, returning to his original position he had before the entire conversation had started. "Yes."

"Ah! Progress!" Xellos smiled at him again. "Aren't you happy for yourself?"

Vrumugun did not dignify the sarcastic comment with a response. Xellos rested one leg across the other as he stared back at the night sky. His question was almost rhetorical. "Who do you think he deserves?"

Vrumugun had a few words come to mind immediately, but he forced them away quickly, struggling to keep his emotions under control. He found a statement that seemed non-threatening and non-commital and revised it in his head until he felt it was perfect. Before he could speak, however, Xellos decided to take the initiative.

"What was that?" Xellos put a hand to his ear. "'Not me?' you say?"

Vrumugun stared at him in disbelief, his mouth falling open. Xellos smiled at him smugly. "Even your thoughts are transparent."

Unsettled by how Xellos seemed to have read his mind, Vrumugun crossed his arms again and stared downwards. There was no use in attempting to take back his words now.

"Zangulus deserves someone who will make him happy."

"And you don't think Martina is it?"

Vrumugun kept his eyes focused somewhere else as he shook his head in a vague way.

"And you don't think you could do it either, hmm?"

Vrumugun closed his eyes, feeling sick again. "That is not even a possibility."

"And why is that? After all, you've known him the longest, right? You're everything I listed before and more." Xellos smirked at him knowingly.

Vrumugun refused to respond, his body shaking again. For some reason adrenaline was beginning to fill his body and his efforts to quiet it were in vain. He tried to hide his shaking by clutching the fabric of his cloak closer to him. He was feeling worse with every word that came from the Mazoku's mouth, but fortunately his face still had a semblance of normalcy to it...

"It is just...not possible." Vrumugun closed his eyes. That was all there was to it, it was a simple fact...it was not possible. It just was not possible. Why was Xellos making this so difficult?

The answer was not too difficult to find. He was a Mazoku...this is what he did.

"But why? I need to give Zangulus a reason after all..."

Vrumugun turned rapidly towards Xellos, prompting a satisfied smile from the purple-haired priest. "What? You are going to..."

"Ah, you don't want Zangulus to know about this? About how you feel about..." Xellos paused intentionally, watching Vrumugun turn back towards the wall. "About his marriage?"

Vrumugun shook his head, feeling his arms again instinctually moving upwards to shield himself from view, but he managed to force them downwards. He looked at Xellos seriously, trying to keep himself under control. "You cannot tell him anything about this..."

"And why not? You couldn't stop me." Xellos held up a finger, watching a slight flicker of energy form around it before it vanished. "Not very many can. But I'm willing to make an agreement, if that would work better for you."

"I do not trust you." Vrumugun glared at him, which didn't alter Xellos' pleased expression in the least.

"Of course not. You're not stupid. Or at least I'd like to think so." Xellos shifted until his legs were over the edge again, kicking them back and forth slowly. "Then again, right now you don't have much of an option. If you really want to keep this a secret, then you'll just have to agree with me."

Vrumugun disliked that idea but in the end there was nothing he could do. He sighed again. "What is it?"

"Just play along with me for a while. You were doing so well before and it's so entertaining." Xellos smiled up towards the sky.

Vrumugun liked that idea even less, but he sighed and slowly nodded his head regardless. Xellos turned towards him.

"Wonderful. Alright, where did we last leave off...? Ah, you were going to tell me why you think Zangulus wouldn't want to be with you?"

Vrumugun again felt a twinge of nausea at the question, pulling his knees in closer to himself. Something was trying to uncover itself, but even if he was losing most of his other emotional barriers, that one was still standing.

"I could feel that." Xellos mumbled, more to himself then to Vrumugun, and continued to wait for an answer. Vrumugun finally decided on what to say.

"I believe there are better people out there than I..."

"But not Martina."

Vrumugun slowly shook his head. Xellos paused, then smiled evilly. "And not Gourry."

Vrumugun shuddered visibly and he did not know why.

"Definitly not Gourry." Xellos again sounded smug. "But why not you? You're still avoiding the essential question..."

Vrumugun was silent, eventually raising one hand to rest on the top of his hood, sighing deeply. "I am not..."

No words could come to him after saying those few words, only shivers. Struggling to both control his body and decide what to say, he was paralyzed into helpless silence, his fingers slowly but compulsively clutching the fabric of his hood. He closed his eyes, struggling to focus all his power into preventing himself from displaying any emotion or saying something that would eventually prove damaging.

He felt soft silken fabric touching the hand on his hood, Xellos' pulling his fingers out of their deathgrip and lifting his hand away slowly. "You'll freeze yourself if you're not careful, Vrumugun-san."

Xellos dropped his hand and Vrumugun pulled away from him angrily. Before he could think of anything to say, his attention was caught by the bright blue energy that was crackling and swirling around his hand. Apparently in his frantic efforts to control himself he had accidentally began to access his own magic. Having something other then the question that Xellos' had posed to him to focus on, he let his magic drain off harmlessly, his emotions automatically beginning to reset to neutral. As long as he kept his mind off of...

"You are not what?" Xellos interrupted him, watching Vrumugun again curl up with a smile. "You were going to say something, but then you were distracted..."

Vrumugun did not want to respond, struggling to hold onto his previous emotional malaise. Xellos waited for a few moments, prolonging the silence before finally deciding to say only a few choice words.

"You aren't attractive."

Both anger and hurt raged within the silent mage's thin frame for a few moments, and again he felt a surge of energy rush down his arms towards his hands. Trembling, he forced the energy to dissipate, pressing his head into the stone. Quiet laughter from Xellos did not help as he struggled to focus on the sensation of the cold stone on his forehead, rather then on what Xellos had just said.

"You don't think Zangulus could love you because you're ugly?"

Vrumugun recoiled from him as if he had been physically struck, his fingernails digging painfully into his palms. The sharp pain from Xellos' exact and telling comment had been a surprise to him and after such a long period of avoiding just such pain, it was disorienting and upsetting.

In the end he could think of no way to respond to the intentionally painful and emotionally telling question and only curled up farther into a ball, his cloak flaring out around him to hide him from view.

Words came from him and he did not know why. "Love...that is not an option..."

He shuddered again, violently this time, and he could not stop. Even when he felt Xellos touching his shoulder for a few seconds, he could not cease his shaking.

"You really think that Zangulus would care?"

Vrumugun glared at Xellos, who was leaning back with an relaxed expression. His voice was shaky. "I know him better then you."

Xellos smiled at him knowingly. "Vrumugun-san, you know nothing."

"I know more then you." Vrumugun turned away from him again, focusing all his thoughts on the stars, his emotions slowly getting under control once again. "I know more then you do."

"I doubt that. I guess it would be silly to ask if you've ever talked to Zangulus like this?" Xellos only paused for a few seconds. "Of course not."

He leaned towards him for a moment. "You're frightened."

Vrumugun again put his hands over his head, struggling to block him out. "I am not frightened."

"Of course you are." Xellos kicked his legs again slightly. "It makes perfect sense though...he _would_ reject you. I wonder how long you've kept all this buried, Vrumugun-san."

Vrumugun could not respond as Xellos' words hit him hard and mercilessly. He clenched his fingers, wishing that he could forget anything the Mazoku Priest had just said, wishing that he could forget this entire conversation. Again he felt sick, but now he was beginning to also feel tinges of sadness...true, real sadness. 

Xellos was right, and it hurt. After all this time, through all his emotional barriers, it still hurt.

"It is not possible..." Vrumugun whispered, not sure if Xellos would hear him or not. He stared upwards at the sky, blaming it for his watering eyes. "It was never possible and it will never be possible..."

"But now I do know why." Xellos mimicked his motions, staring upwards at the same invisible point that Vrumugun was focusing on. "Wonderful. I thought it would be this simple."

"Go away..." Vrumugun pulled his hood closer over his face, blocking out any sight of Xellos and retreating deeper into its folds. "This entire conversation is pointless..."

"Pointless?" Xellos looked at him with an overly-exaggerated expression of confusion before smiling again. "Oh, maybe for you...then again, for me this is an invigorating little chat. Don't you think so?"

"It is pointless." Vrumugun struggled to transform his conflicting emotions into anger, hoping that emotion would be easier to handle then the incomprehensible blend he had felt before. He clenched his hands and turned to stare at Xellos, his eyes narrowing. "Zangulus is married now. There is no point to this."

"Ah." Xellos sighed happily. "Very nice. Keep it up."

Vrumugun stared at him for a while until he finally shook his head, crossing his arms and leaning as far away from the Mazoku as possible. He noted Xellos realizing that Vrumugun had stopped talking and again, was working on setting his emotions to neutral.

"Oh, that's not nice. You've got to keep playing, Vrumugun-san." Xellos pointed at him with a smile. Vrumugun regarded him coldly.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know." Xellos paused in apparent reflection. "What could prompt some more unhappiness on your part...? Hmm..."

Vrumugun felt his lip twitching as he turned away from Xellos angrily, looking down. 

"Well, mentioning Zangulus always seems to generate results." Xellos smiled at him knowingly and, despite his best efforts, Vrumugun could not halt a twitch of his body in response to the name. Xellos smirked again in a truly demonic way.

"And to think, for all that time you were together. All that time and you secretly..." Xellos paused, gesturing with one hand in a dramatic fashion. "_Pined_ for him. It's almost like a bad romance novel."

Vrumugun shivered, still trying to convert the nausea he felt at Xellos' words into anger without success. Xellos watched him with satisfaction.

"Except none of them are this amusing."

"Just leave me alone...are you not pleased?" Vrumugun noted a tone of unfamiliar sarcasm entering his voice. "Are you not finished torturing me yet?"

Xellos just stared at him happily, almost bobbing back and forth. His tone was light and carefree. "I never get tired of how you talk, Vrumugun-san. You do belong in a bad novel."

Vrumugun just stared at him silently. Xellos continued to smile. "I know why you do that, too. But that's not as fun as torturing you about Zangulus. Then again, little is."

Xellos turned towards the sky, still bobbing back and forth to some unknown rhythm, while Vrumugun crossed his arms, holding onto the fabric of his clothes tightly.

"You know what makes this all the more satisfying?" Xellos spoke after a short silence. Vrumugun did not respond, prompting Xellos to turn towards him again. He leaned in close causing Vrumugun to pull back. Noting his discomfort with another smile, he spoke quickly and softly.

"You missed your chance."

Vrumugun stared at him, his body still shaking, as he fiercely tried to generate anger in response to Xellos' words. He still felt sick however. All he could do was shiver in what he hoped was a threatening manner and speak only a few hours.

"Go. Now."

Xellos pulled back with a broad smile, his emotions mirroring Vrumugun's in complete opposites. He stood on the ledge, his hands behind his back. "You can't threaten me. But that's okay. You've given me enough unhappiness to last me a long time."

Vrumugun stared at him with what he hoped was hatred. Xellos raised a hand to the air, as if searching for the wind, before turning away. "Unrequited love...now that is really sweet. A Mazoku..." Xellos shook his head, metallic strands shifting back and forth with a soft sound. "No, I don't think you would understand the reference."

Xellos turned back towards him, the staff having somehow returned to his hand. He smiled and waved at Vrumugun. "Then again, I do give you credit for not being entirely stupid. Maybe you can figure it out."

"What are-"

Xellos placed a finger to his lips and then vanished with the strange sound that accompanied such teleportation. Vrumugun stared at the now empty window ledge with more then a little confusion.

What had Xellos been talking about? Where had he gone? He had seemed to eager to torment him longer before...why had he left now?

At the thought of Xellos' words, Vrumugun shivered again and pulled his cloak tighter around him, letting his hood fall over his face. Already his mind was working on blocking those memories, erasing the conversation and every feeling it had generated, and Vrumugun again began to feel a deep void somewhere within him. It was familiar and almost comforting.

"Vrumugun? There you are!"

Vrumugun turned sharply at the sound of Zangulus' voice, automatically struggling to leap to his feet. He caught a glimpse of his dark-haired friend, still clad in his wedding clothes, before he could feel one of his feet slipping.

So...this is what it felt like.

He only fell for a few moments before he felt someone grab his wrist, halting his descent. Looking upwards as he engaged his own levitation magic, he could see the mildly concerned face of Zangulus staring down at him.

_If only..._

His body recoiled for a moment as he began to float, cloak billowing around him. Zangulus let go, smiling at him as Vrumugun stared at him with the same passive look that typified their relationship for so many years.

_If only what?_

He made his way back inside, watching Zangulus shake his head at his use of magic. Settling on the floor almost silently, he felt his cloak settle around him, masking his entire body from view. Zangulus ran a hand through his hair again, smiling at him as he began to walk back towards the stairway down.

"It's a good thing you can fly anyway, Vrumugun. How long have you been up here? Everyone's worried about you. Come on." Zangulus was speaking over his shoulder, not looking at Vrumugun as he headed downwards. Vrumugun silently followed him, confusion filling him at the sight of his friend.

_If only **what**?_

He could hear a soft, malicious voice near his ear. "If only you didn't feel so much."

He turned rapidly, but the purple-haired Mazoku was nowhere to be seen. Memories struggled to resurface regarding the conversation they had had, but Vrumugun quickly pushed them down. 

He followed Zangulus downwards, his cloak brushing against the steps, and wondered when the reception would end.

  


The End  
(Author's Note: Thanks fer bein all evil, Xellos. ^_^o ARGH. This is so sad. Poor Vrummy is so emotionally blocked he can't even remember why he did it. Ah! Unrequited love! I bet Xellos thinks it tastes real good. ^_^o God, he turned out more evil then I intended. I swear I'll write a happier fic fer em sometime.) 


End file.
